Friday, June 6, 2014

Rebuking visiting dead loved one spirit in Jesus name?

Almost one week ago, in Sunday, 1st June  2014 i had privilege to  listen  one christian talk show of certain movement of faith with section with segment of Q& A which had given to me thought for whole week.
 There was someone from Russia,who had send the question  to answer what got my attention. The question was "Can the dead see and hear us? Can we talk to them and have them hear us?"  As i had to translated it into another language to friend next to me when i heard it, I got excited because I had thought how this certain particular movement of God understands about NDEs, the Other side and so on.
Conclusion of the answer based upon Father Abraham words in Parable of Rich man and poor Lazarus in Luke 16:27 was something like this: "you cannot talk to the dead, but you can talk to familiar spirits. The same demons that fell and that Jesus cast out are still around today, they do not reproduce, and they have been around for generations and generations. You are not permitted to talk to the dead nor are they permitted to talk to you. Jesus came back from the dead to talk to us. And save us."
Now first,  i do not consider myself as member of that movement or follower of that particular man of God, I was like what?! It was like cold shower to what I maybe had thought what he might answer. And also I want to say here, I still consider myself as born again spirit filled christian who  have BA in theology and also have personal  experience NDEs and for personal research have read different books by people whom Lord had showed Heaven and all its courts and also different kinds of NDEs descriptions. Enough Lord had helped me to understand some of the things of spiritual realms I do not know all of it yet but yes honestly such kind of black and white understanding of spiritual realm/the Other side  was bit disappointing to me.
When I was thinking of my reaction to that  I discovered that the thing to what  I got really angry about  is this theological understanding in charismatic circles of faith which sort of  denies that option that God can let those ones from Other side to contact with us here on earth.I have not acknowledges it before that I have had been angry over it.
During this time of 11years of being born again christian i know also that I have done sort mistakes concerning spiritual realm. For example,  i got reminded how I as young christian - 10 months saved wanted to follow  blindly introductions of what had taught to me about spiritual realm at that time.
I remember as after my mom had passed away, my dad said to me that he had seen  sort of chose of my mom spirit walking in our home and how then I prayed in Jesus name and rebuked that spirit believing that it is somekind of familiar spirit and not spirit of my mom who had came to say good bye. I remember also that I prayed sort of protection over my dad as he was not really believer.
Now when i think back  about it, i feel sorry about it, that i let myself see so black and white because those things there in spiritual realm are not so black and white. Actually already then God   began  to bring more understand about it on my way - for example when I read James Goll's Seer book where he describe in that book how God let him to meet with his passed away godly father.
Also I have had some supernatural experiences where I had felt like I need to pray for certain person who had just passed away and also I had opponity to say to goodbye to my spiritual father after when he had left from this earth.
So as born again spirit filled christian who had researched near-death experiences i want to say that spiritual realm, the Other side where our loved ones go after death of  their physical body is not so black and white as we as humans might like to say that it might be. It is more complex thing of which Bible gives only clues. For example, in Heb 12:1 is described about cloud of witnesses, those saints whom had arrived to the Home, into Heaven where our spirits originally come from. In the book of Revelation is described heavenly Throne room in Ch 4 for example.
And also i think that it is not always necessary just rebuke in Jesus name  some passed away loved one when he or she decides to come to say good bye to us before final leaving into Other side. First thing when such visitation happens is to remain calm and then ask guidance of Holy Spirit. And then go on from there.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

The Program – 12 steps.

One of several part of my search for truth or wholeness have been also via several kinds of  anonymous 12 steps groups that had helped me to discovered the reality of myself and family background and loving God.
I think that it was my dear sister Inge, who told to me once about  the codependency and so I discovered Pia Mellody and Melody Beattie books  on this theme from the library. One of my interest topic is psychology so when I got first M.Beattie book Codependency No More, I  began to read it and  I realized that I might have some of characteristics of it like wish to control my own life. As I wanted to know more of it,  I decided to join with CoDA Estonia email group in 26th January 2009.
Sometimes those 12 step groups make so called united spring or summer days where is attending members from different 12 step groups. So in May at same year I saw the description of similar event of spring days  coming outside of Tallinn and I decided to check it out as I felt that I am on the journey.
So in those spring days at 2009,    I had privilege to  attend in my first Al-Anon and AcoA meeting and there, for the first time of my life, I began to realize that  my mom little comfort  drinking might had affected it  how she had taken care of me in my childhood. 
 After that realization I started to visit firstly both groups- Al-Anon and ACoA -until I realized that ACoA is  more for me because really  I had grown up in  dysfunctional family which contained father with  his mentally illness and problems of his childhood and mom developed Al-Anon from her first 10 years marriage with  full time alcoholic and then with my dad in her “new life”. Both of them was children of the war time at 1944.

Then I heard more about other 12 step programs like OA, DA/UA, SA and SLAA and they all had helped me to work out issues of my life together with help of God. I believe that those programs are one of tool of God to help people find Him as with working steps from different aspects in different 12 steps groups is possible to grow spiritually and discover more about God. I consider for myself those programs as my second spiritual home beside Heaven as my real home (See Phil.3:20) and my home church as first spiritual home (See Heb 10:25).

Thursday, April 18, 2013

My "birthing experience" and what was before it.

In the book of  Psalms, David says about himself,  From birth I have relied on You;
  You brought me forth from my mother’s womb ( See Ps 71:6 NIV). In shortly, this my coming to this earth contains also lot of relying on God as i shared in that part where my earthly half brother encouraged me and as I will share in this story also.
As evidence or proof  of this Scripture of the Old Testament, some years ago according to the leading of the Lord, I  met with  one lady,  whom late on as came out that she  was  my mom`s midwife and look over her during the time when she  was pregnant with me and  help her to carry me forth into this earth and little bit afterwards too. Enough my mom shared with some details, she did not said all and  thru this midwife I got more details concerning my mom pregnance time and my „coming to the earth“.

So according to the earthly time frame, my biological mum and dad conceived my physical body around 18th January 1984 (gregorian calendar) / 8th Shevat 5744 (hebrew calendar).  Number 18 - number of 9- number of nine fruit of spirit and number  8 - number of new beginning - right it spoke to me that for my mum to have me it was new beginning as she had  desired it while she got married with my dad.  Of course I do not know what was going on in my mother`s head while she got knew that she is pregnant.  But I am sure that she had lot of feelings as she have had one abortion before getting pregnant with me - in one word  it means to her   going thru lot of challenges.

  Concerning meaning of numbers, the month of shevat in hebrew religious calendar is 11th month and  number 11 is related with prophetic.  And so   I am not suprised anymore why I feel myself  more connected with  prophetic  than something else.

But  this  story itself begins from time, when my litte physical body had been maybe 11 weeks old in my mom womb  and   some doctors had discovered in  my mom`s body  some health problems and other doctors of my mom were recommending to my mom to make abortation.

But the gyneacologist of my mom who was looking after his pregnancy, heard from God that He is saying to her:”I want that this child remain alive.” She had been already child of God for three and half years  and it was during this Effata awaking time here in Estonia. I supposed that God might talk to her during the time, when she was in her office and just  had heard about conversations of other doctors about my mom case concerning my mom health situation. She didn`t remember that clearly right now because of memories issues but I suppose that as child of God in that time,  she  was praying which kind of decision to make - because making abortion to christian doctor is still hard- when Lord spoke with her about remaining me alive.

After, when she had  heard that from the Lord, she asked from the Lord wisdom, how to do it and then firstly talked with my mom and asked if she  really wants to keep her child or not. Because my mom somehow trusted her doktor ( what was unusual because usually my mom did not trusted doctors), she shared with her that she wanted to keep me and also  this that his lungs doctor wanted her to make abortation; and that  she don`t want to be killer. This reality seemed to be clear  now to her because actually she had experienced one abortation already in her past.
Then after talking with my mom, this doctor said to this board of doctors, who decided about abortation that they must say no and gave her arguments to them.
In this hospidal this gyneacologist was known as strong doctor, who was specialized for  pathological  pregnancies - ie pregnancies, what is medically complicated - and also other doctors in Central Hospital of Tallinn knew, that if she said something then they supposed to hear her and actually, there was somekind of respect towards her because of his past near death experiences.
So by guidance of Lord, what He gave to this gyneacologist I remain alive.
My mom was in that hospidal  two times before giving birth to me because of her health - she had asthmatic bronchitis and maybe something else more what I don`t know.

So it was knewn that this gyneacologist will be doctor who receive me into this world because of her specialization to pathological pregnancies. When my mom pregnancy time was full she put her to hospital one week before real time, 12th October as was placed date for it.

I was born in city of Tallinn, hospidal called Central Hospidal. According to one hospidal book where all children who born at that time, were written down my birth time 22.10 (my mom told me that it was 21.50) 18th October 1984 in gregorian calendar. In hebrew calendar it is 22th  Tishri 5745 – at that time was feast of  Shmini Atzeret, 8th day of feast of Tabernacles. I know that number 9  is related with Gal 5:22-23 nine fruit of spirit and  22 is somehow related with Ps 22 .

 But how it all happened is really  story itself because this situation of my birthing had been very complicated.  This midwafe of mom said that there was been full team of doctors who all needed to do something here with me and my mom.
she said also that during that time, when I came out from womb, this umbilical cord, what connects mother with child, had been  three times around my neck and because of my mom breathing problems she got oxygen mask into his face. So she and another team needed to deal with me and my mom alternatively because there is full process how this umbilical cord have to cut off.  Interestingly, even the Bible confirm it because in book of Ecclesiates had said that threefold cord is not so easy to cut off (Ecc.4:12).
She said that also there had been moment after cutting this umbilical cord away, when I had not started breathing with my own lungs but then she had done something - maybe gave me too this oxygen mask - and I had began to breathe.
At that time when I was born, this hospidal was in transition- because their own building renovation, the birthing department  of Central hospidal were in Mustamäe hospidal – when I reviewed it from brief history book of Tallinn Central hospidal (1997:52), I realised the prophetic thing behind it. I have always wondered why I am often close to the end or beginning of some thing and this thing explains it. I was born in period of transition.

At this point of time, when I got knew all  of the details 28 years later from this gyneacologist and researched through internet about it, I learned that this case with umbilical cord around child`s neck might be very dancerous situation to both, mom and child.  For example there might happen that child`s brain get damaged because of lack of oxygen and he or she can`t talk or do not start to walk.
So when I read this information, it made me very thankful to God because by His grace and skillful midwife, I can talk normally with my mouth and walk normally.
Yes I got one little birth trauma with my back and during that time gyneacologist organized that I got special splint under my back for some months. Because I analyzed all of it in therapy where  this gyneacologist  attended too, then she said that it had grow together but for making sure I might see the doctor what I will do in future.
 So that was my birthing story and now after when God had reminded it to me in the Berlin Burn worship meeting, 2010 October, I made picture about it.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

First earthly realm encounter with angelic

   From the time, when I  was in age of six month[1]   my earthly  mom told to me one story what had happened to me.  For that time  she had been married with my earthly dad for 1,5 years and they had    living  at  little bachelor apartment  of my earthly dad in second floor of  three floor  one family house what belonged to  my dad`s mother. 
  So in that apartment, in  biblical meaning in “upper room” (See Acts 2:1-4) one time my mom  had   been  placed  me  into bed and I had looked up  towards ceiling of the room and begin to laugh.  First I thought that it was like that this   when child in  baby age sees something  and starts to laugh. But  my earthly mom said to me, while  she was talking to me this story, that  she didn`t understood what I  was looking up  there  because in naturally, there was not anything to look after. Later she said that maybe it was somekind of play of light on wooded ceiling.

  Enough I heard this story from my mom  some years ago, I had been acting like Mary, mother of Jesus,  “who remember  all  stories what was talked about his son in his mind and pondered about them” (See Luke 2:19) and kept all it in my mind for that time when God will help me to understand of them and put the puzzle of my  life  together

So for now, after having been getting connected with  prophetic teachings for while, with help of my heavenly Helper[2] I learned little bit understand   about prophetic situations. And  I believe that Lord had given to me prophetic insight or understanding, what took place in this situation.    
One prophet said in one of his teachings that lightings can be angels and angels can make play of light.  I started  to laugh  when I saw that at that time, because my spirit in that child body was remembering the angelic play of lights already  from Heaven when I had been There as spiritual being.

[1] I suppose that it might happen in 1985 month March- April, maybe in Passover season. 
[2] Under heavenly Helper I mean Holy Spirit. The Bible describes Holy Spirit, Third person of the Godhead as Helper. See John 14:26

Saturday, September 15, 2012

My earthly half brother encourages me.

This  memory from my  eternal existence, what I am going to share with you in this post comes from the time when I actually wasn`t yet incarnated(1) into flesh of my psychical body.
Somewhere in midst of  my journey of faith  with the Lord,  after having experiencing God giving visions  to me and  when I noticed more details like unfolding later in my earthly mind, I began to understood that   my spirit  being - my real self- could  remember  much more from those visions,  to where Lord had taken me several times in as He had wanted to do it.  So I believe that my spirit being could remember more that my mind can comprehend or realize  about of  my pre-existence state in Heaven.  I noticed also that usually it took time when my earthly  mind could crasp those things and  also all of  this memory  what i am going to soon share and what  took place in heavenly realm before my decision to incarnate according to earthly time frame somewhere in  beginning of  year of 1984 which is my earthly birth year. Lord had not revealed full earthly date of this experience to me but I myself that thought that as I was born in October then my earthly body should conceived somewhere in January 1984. 
As it had unfolded piece by piece under leading spirit of God of Almighty then I do not know yet fully all of those details of  why  just this experience He had chosen to bring into my rememberance but somehow just this memory from that time in this heavenly realm  is remained  so clearly  into my mind too like it had happened yesterday.

  It started from there that I realized that  I as spiritual being, was in Heaven and I noticed that I was  looking down to the earth  from Tribune of Ecclestical cloud (See Heb 12:1) where I was standing. Different authors had compared this place with symbol of Amphy theatre but it reminded rather some balcony which is builded out from side of Rock. 
Then I understood that  I had given the opportunity to  look upon the one couple, who will become in future  my  mom and dad and  somehow this opportunity had given to me  for multiple of times before also and now there was again time when I was looking at them. 
But  I clearly  remember that feeling of how I was still doubting in making incarnation to the Earth. In my mind I was thinking,  do I have  to do it and do I  really want to incarnate into the earth and just into that family.  Yes somehow I was excited to go there and somehow I had  a wish to try it but still it seemed all  to be complicated. 
 For  that moment of looking there,   I had  already got  knew and seen, what had happened to that baby ( my earthly half brother who encouraged me), who had been in body of my future mom several years before that time when  my earthly birth will take place. Somehow already in there, in that spiritual realm I had gotten knew that the reason why my mom decided to abort that baby, was her uncertain issues with her living place.  She were living in her aunt`s place and she was afraid of kicked out because of keeping the baby and also because of her bad financial state at that time.
In my mind, I knew  for sure that that I didn`t wanted to risk with that same thing will happen with me too.  I was already there in Heavenly realm this kind of person, who was  wanting  that things might be organized and made perfectly.

I don`t remember exact moment of  how I got know  in Heavenly realm that boy who was  my aborted earthly half brother. I quess that while he   came back to Heaven, soon after that I had privileged to get know him or it might happen also after that when I had given  opportunity to see this family. I would like to call him Martin.

At  one of those doubting reflecting times,  when I had again   looked my future mom and dad and  little bit worrying in my mind   about my birthing into this world as I had  been  afraid of got aborted too as my aborted earthly half brother.   I do not know how it exactly is but   in heaven realm your thoughts can have seen to other saints around you.Also there is possible to talk thru thoughts as additional to talk with words.
So at that moment  Martin came to me and said :” Sissy, Don`t worry!  It will not happen with you as it happened with me.”  and thru that saying, he gave to me  somekind of understanding in thought level that Our Creator of Heaven and Earth, Father God Almighty have  already all under His control.  Actually then, when Martin called me according to that earthly way  sissy ( short version of word sister) sounded to me very strange but I knew that it have to get familiar to me.
And in reality  I didn`t knew that,  how he knew that but I quess that he know about it because of eternal wisdom what was already taught by angels to him. Aborted babies are taken under care of Our Father God and they are grow up by angels who also teach them what they need to know according to the their mature level. As  it is said in book of Jeremiah in Bible that " He knows the plans that He have for us" (Jer 29:11) so He knows also what all those aborted little ones needs.

 But   those words of encouragement helped me a lot.  Actually  they gave to me  boldness to make this little bit hard  decision. This decision to incarnate was hard because it means to me that,  I as spiritual being  had leave from the safety of  Heavenly Realms for some time ( in Heaven realm the measurement of time is different from earthly understanding of time), ie I had to leave from my real Home for some time – and to incarnate into this earth and get captured into earthly body.  But yes I took that risk and it was worth for that.   
   Now, you may think in your mind  that how I remember those things so deeply.  Lord started to bring it back from my spirit into my mind step by step using different means for that. Some part of that memory what I shared with you before, came to  my physical mind,  while I was reading one of the David Seamands books Putting down childish things, where he talks about pre-birth experiences.
But more of  it raised up after one very strange prayer of one young man of God, who prayed over me at 28th April 2011 this way: More pressure God, more innermost pressure from the deepest part, from the destiny that You  spoke, Father.  Father I ask You that You bring  forth the whisper when you whispered their destiny before they were born into the air. I speak out that this innermost pressure of the deepest parts of Your people. Father that whispering of Your voice in Heaven where You said that now I want that  she will come and he will come and this person will come called by name. Father, this destiny that You had wombed into them, I speak out that this whispering  becomes now a call.
When I heard him mentioning that thing of how Lord had called persons by their name, it brought back to my mind  details of that story of  how Lord started lead me into this earth by saying to the my mom`s midwife that He wants me to remain live. 

At that prayer time actually,   when this young man of God was  praying over  me  those words, what happened with me was  quite interesting. In that meeting  I was standing, but when he came to me and  touched my right hand, what I had layed on my belly, firstly I fell on the chair behind me. Then he put  his hand on my right  hand again and then I felt  soft and lovely  but  also deep lightning pierced me from up to down.
It was very strange  spiritual experience but at same time good experience and after that came more and more clearly into my mind those things concerning my birth and how hand of God had been behind that what you may read in future.

1. Incarnate ie coming into flesh. We are spirit being who "come into flesh" when our physical body starts to develop in our earthly mom`s body.

Friday, September 14, 2012


       My own personal spiritual journey towards Truth1 actually “started” in my life, when I in my earthly body were very young according to the earthly time calculation. What I means with  that, is that it started even before my “incarnation” into this earth realm at 18th October 1984. As it is written in Ps.139:16 about God, that His eyes saw me already in my mother womb and that into His book was written all days of my life before they came to pass. It means that enough no one of them had not happened yet in natural world still God saw them all because He is living in eternity and there is no time.
       My belief is, that we from our innermost being  are actually eternal spirits, who is sent to that earth realm from the God`s Throne Room as He breaths us out into existence. As there  is written in  Ecclesiates 3:11, that eternity is written into our hearts. Enough my realization of  all began  when I “found” God in my life again in 2002, afte making of salvation prayer and receiving Lord Jesus as my personal Redeemer and Saviour (See Rom 10:9-10), it was already   before it  happened, that I began just felt inwardly that, there is something more than just this earthly life.
      Short version of those writing from my life was born as testimony in 2010 for one mission trip but then Lord awake it up more inside of me and I felt encouraged to write those writings down more deeply. More and more I read, I saw work of God in my life and so from that was born idea to post some of those stories first in this blog for reading.

1See John 14:16